The Present Moment;

At this particular moment in time, i'm going through a temporary "weak" stage.
seeing pictures of your ex boyfriend (especailly when there with a new girl) , who you cared for very much, is hard, even when you feel that you have moved on, theres always something inside you that longs for his touch again, and to reverse to the times where you felt safe and happy with him. however, in reality those times are short lived (well atleast in my case they are) and even if we were to reverse time back to then, i would find myself going through the same hurtful break up scenario again. which was so diffucult for the both of us, and not only ruined our relationship but also had a large impact on our friendship.
will i always have these feelings for this particular person, even when i am happily married or with someone else who i love deeply? or will they eventually fade with maturity and time?
hmm, i guess we will one day find out. but for the moment, i can only think of the slight pain it bring me, which follows with the anger i feel towards myself for letting myself become so emotionally fragile.

however looking on a more positive side, i have found that i (unlike many other girls) can cope without a male, i dont need to hook up with males or have sex with people constantly to feel good about myself. i enjoy spending time with my friends and always have them around. and i think this definatly helps me. and i am a very sexual person, however i cannot have sex with someone who i am not attracted to. i refuse to give up my respect for someone unless i think it will actually mean something or they will actually appreciate me and not see me as "just another fuck". this is why my friends i have not had sex with many people, and i have not had sex in a fairly long time. and i really dont care.