today,tomorow,yesterday

ugh today im feeling like the biggest nothing.
i stopped taking my tablets, i dont know why, i just dont feel like i want to spend the next couple of weeks all druged up as usual,
i'm so tired i feel like my eyes are going to ddrop out of my head and its rainy and cold outside. and normally on days like this i'm never in the best mood, luckily brie (one of my very best friends) is here to keep me company and stop me from digging a deeper hole than i am already in. also i have been so hungry and its killing me, i weight myself atleast 5 times a day and i hate it when i am over 50kg's. makes me feel sick and obese..
i miss my friends, but i'm going to see them in the city this arvo, thankgod, as well as putting resumes out in the city tomorow so i can get a job and get away from redcliffe and my parents, because they drive me insaine and everytime i come home we atleast haver a big fight over the same things so it will just be better to escape it all. plus i need to get direction in my life and meaning. so gettting a job and having some responsibility definately seems like a step in a positive direction.
ugh i also neeed money so i can buy new things from o.p shops and the shops that are actually worth looking in in the valley/city (usually very expensive) but whatever, cant habndle having the same clothes as someone else.; and buying clothes and looking good makes me feel happy.

oh well i really dont know why i keep this blog, hopefully no one reads it, or else they will think i am some drop kick wanker. but whatever, its a good way to keep myself under control.
i think i'm going to watch sex and the city. so ta ta fellow beings!
x

ratatat + my shitness

yeah, latley i have been listening to there music heaps, i have always really liked them but i cant stop listening to them lately. i went to there concert and fuck cunt motherlicker got way to drunk and got kicked out. however i was at the front for quiet awhile and one of the dudes from Ratatat was hitting my bottle with his drum sticks. it was a nice experiance. haha. sad that i can hardly remember. ughhh.




last weekend i was the biggest cunt to one of my best friends, i feel so terrible, like words cannot explain how much this person means to me and hes fragile like i am and i just cant beleive i did that to him. i cant even remember any of the night. but fuck my doctor hasd put me of epillesy pills and i dont even have it. fuck and i think thats why i was so out of it, going nutter. i had 3 glasses of goon mixed with fanta. and cant remember any of the night, i face planted into the concrete and i have scratches and bruises all over my body, and hit my head on the gutter, concussion?. thats not normal to forget all of that. not trying to make up excuses, still my fault i put my friend through all of that and i will never get over it. never! i feel like the worst person ever!! i love him so much, i'm so shit! err

bloody beetroots

also hoping to see the bloody beetroots perform at empire on the 25th of june. \dont know how much the tickets will be, have seen them perform before, but i wasnt in the right state, cant remember why.
stressing because i'm going to steal mums credit card to buy splendour tickets.
dont know why, suddenly felt an embrace of guilt, stress and fear in my body today.

x

TODAY

today,
my head is doing itself in.
i found a woman,
who sings songs
the songs i can relate to at this stage in my life.
the music, not sure,
the lyrics, positive.
the people being talked about.
the people who have extremity over the songs.
its all correct.
and i'm probably talking bullshit, but it makes scense to me.

the person.
rosanne cash
google her lyrics.